The Ere.. sorry Elections!!

Elections are back! For a mutt, this is bad news. Let me explain why. According to the great poet, Aristotle, man is a political animal. By nature. This is double bad news for us. I’m not sure if Aristotle knew what he was talking about then, but this quote of his now brings out the most vicious animal in our humans politicians every 5 years – for the elections. It is during the elections, we dogs are hit the worst, not physically but verbally. This is to be expected since many of the 2 legged Malaysian politicians are full of animal instinct. So animalistic it makes us want to growl at you. For politicians, it is only usual during this fight for power to use us dogs as example to describe another human. Most of the time, the other human is a candidate of the opposition, and/or his cronies.

So taking into consideration all the verbal abuse we mutts suffer during the voting time, I decided to call for a meeting to set some of the canine-affecting political factors clear. If at all any time was a good time to call for a meet, its now, with the election stinking around the corner like our good ol garbage truck ( I say garbage truck because even we mongrels know that it will not be a fair election and this year’s particular fight for power will stink to high heavens and back). Not to mention the empty promises hurled into the masses to gain votes smells so foul, just like my ex girlfriend’s vomit. She had a drinking problem I endured longer than I liked.

We mongrels support each other in verbal abuse at times like this. Unlike some politicians, whom I suspect gave up good governance the day Jackson 5 called it a day, we on the other hand have lesser demands, but we certainly don’t want to be blown up into smithereens for it.

Here we demand not to be mentioned verbally like these:

(a) “Dog eat dog world.” Let me assure you that this is utter hogwash. This theory simply does not exist. Have you ever seen a dog eating another dog? Or heard of caninebalism? Dogs don’t eat dogs and very seldom we kill our own kind. However, I’ve heard of humans eating other humans! Often with some kicap. By right, the phrase should read: “disgusting human eat disgusting human in disgusting world.”

(b) “Work like a dog.” Rubbish. I would like to stress strongly here that we dogs all over the world do not believe in this concept. Why should we when we have far more important things to do than spend our lives working, pulling others down, all the while realistically achieving little? If humans spent more time frolicking, rolling on the grass, and smelling each other’s bottoms, the world would be a safer place. The phrase should read, “slave like a man.”

(c) “It’s a dog’s life.” I think I speak for the dogkind all over the world when I say we have great lives, thank you. Correctly, it should be, “It’s a man’s pathetic life”

To hear dogs being linked and likened to politicians is disturbing. Instead of dragging our names down to the level of politics, why don’t you highlight in your speeches our faithfulness, our loyal and fun loving nature? Someone also told me once that in certain circles, cheering for the underdog is one sure fire way to ingratiate yourself to the best people.

Politics in Malaysia can be hilarious especially during the voting season. Unlike the breeding season of artic wolves, there are no teeth baring growls or marking of territories on trees, but one can see silly childish stunts such as name calling, dagger kissing and remarks of ones menstrual cycles.

For the past 50 years, I’d say Malaysia has managed to skip and trot on a moderate course. Yet our politicians shape the politics with ideas that seem to originate from the extremities of one’s rear. Some even unite and bond in questionably weird way. What unites these rodents in such unlikely harmony? Is it because they profess their love for the oldest rain forest of the world, but gladly raze acres and acres of wood? Or maybe build palace like mansions that can house the whole population of Timbuktu? Why do we call them members of parliament, expecting them to be duty bound to protect the very people they represent, instead they are happy lining their pockets? Or how about those who accept bribe and lie and steal so they can fuel their jets and yachts? Disguising their greed with a coating of verbal candy, so sickeningly sweet, it gives you pancreatic failure immediately!

The task to elect a good government has now befallen on your shoulders. To elect a good government, you need to learn how the institution of power works. Be well informed. Know your rights and vote smart. This is your chance to change what you don’t like about this country, so use the opportunity given wisely.

I hope I don’t sound like a foaming-at-the-mouth rabid canine. I know all Malaysians want a good governing government, but in this respect, I guess you’d have better luck finding a leprechaun.