Yuletide Greetings from Valentino

Missed me?? I know I was supposed to send in a column 2 weeks ago (in doggie time that is 21 weeks) but unfortunately my commitments kept me away. You see, I was busy trying to e bay a leash for my human person. We dogs are smart to mislead humans into thinking that the leash is actually for us dogs. But then again, being mislead is a common human behavioral trait and sometimes, it’s so easy to manipulate humans. I don’t mean you, dear editor. I like you, and because I do, I thought I’d quickly find time between my busy schedule of chasing after my own tail, itching and scratching to write this article. I must admit I suffered some degree of canine laziness during the holidays. I blame it all on the Christmas chicken and beer. Speaking of Yuletide, I wrote a letter to Santa. Be not surprised. Here’s it is.

Dear Santa,
“I am writing to ask for a huge favor. Since you’re famous and know a lot of people, (yes, I saw you on TV) I’m hoping you can help me pass the word around. I know I chased you down the road last year when you came by my house, and maybe that wasn’t very nice of me. But what’s a mutt to do when he sees a “large man in a funny red suit” walking around with a huge sack of goodies, shouting HO HO HO? I smelled chocolates, and I lost my mind. Plus the hysterical HO HO HO laugh was too much and reminded me of a certain lady singing if we thought she was a HO. But Santa, if you agree to help me on this, I give you my bark that I shall not chase or try to nip your ankles this year and as far as barks go, this is one good bark. I know you’re a nice man and you understand because you take good care of your reindeers. By the way, do your reindeers follow you on all your assignments? I heard there are 7 of them. It would be fun chasing the.. OK OK I’m sorry but just help me out here will ya?”

“The other day, I went for my regular pedicure and my vet was chatting to me about how he has been taking care of this stray mother dog with her 6 pups. Santa, let me tell you a lil bit about stray animal welfare and the authorities in Malaysia. Drumroll…. There is no welfare! You remember the witch hunt? That’s just the small example of what and how things revolving stray animal issues dealt with in Malaysia. Strays in this country looks terrible with 80% of their bones showing. Any more bones, we’d be chasing each other!”

So anyway, doc is telling me about the mother dog and she just sounded familiar. I asked him her name and lo behold, it was Lola, my lady friend from the squatter. Last I heard, she was hot and being pursued by Ring0 (pronounced ring – o, a nick name he got when he lost all the hair on his rear due to a bad case of ring worms). Apparently she ended up on the street when her family relocated to an apartment and had to leave her behind to fend for herself. Now Lola is not angry at her streety situation, considering the predicaments some of the other dogs are in with no shelter, no food, no water, hit and runs and not forgetting how some people stone them stray dogs as though they were immortal witch dogs from the 18th century. While I on the other hand would love to bring back one or two of her puppies to come live with us, my human mistress and I live in a room, and it just won’t be fair for Lola’s puppies to be crammed up with us. So once the doc was finished with my paws, I hopped down to the kennels to see Lola. Man, she’s a beauty. Did I mention she’s of mixed parentage? She’s English and a terrier. That’s equivalent to a hot blonds for human males. But I’d really like to help Lola, blond or no blond. She told me Ring0 was taken away by the men in the van, and she was left all alone and pregnant. Then she had her babies on the street, someone felt pity and sent her to Doc. She and her pups have been there ever since.

“So Santa, after the chat I had with Lola, and seeing you on TV, I decided to write to you. If anyone can help Lola, it has to be you. Hey I mean it. Trust me; this has nothing to do with chasing venison. It’s only fair that Lola’s pups deserve a loving home. They would probably do best in a house with no pets. Homes with children are recommended, there’s just so much food on the floor and one has to do his or her share of “cleaning up”. So here’s what I hope you can do. It would be great if you can pass the word around. If Lola and her pups find loving homes, it would be the best Christmas gift I could ever get. I’d even give up my milk bone.”

Love
Valentino

P/s – Santa hasn’t replied. My human person told me our postal system can be slower than a snail moving cautiously on razor’s edge.