Hello humans

Friends and fellow mutts firstly let me introduce myself.

I’m Valentino… Valentino Lexington, and thou shall address me as Valentino. I’m basically what you humans call a mongrel, with a wag of Rottweiler here and a bark of Alaskan husky there and a howl of poodle somewhere.

I was born 8 years ago in a small town called Ijok, that’s 56 in human years for you. My 4 brothers and 1 were left all alone when our mother got run over by a truck. A good Samaritan took us in, fed us and rehomed us. The rest they say is history. Life is good I should say. A dog needs, apart from a good home and food, plenty of love and affection, and I receive bundles of it from my human buddy. I should mention here that she possesses huge amounts of patience and tolerance. All she does is glare when I insist on the open windows when we are going for my routine rides in her car and I love to pull this fast trick on her on rainy days!

By the way, did I mention I’m single? I’m polygamous too. I don’t pretend otherwise like some of you humans do. But I did read somewhere that my great ancestors, the wolves were more monogamous. But that was in a time before the birth of your species, the killer humans, and surely in a time where we simple animal folks could live in peace and practice cultured practices without fear that we may die at human hands before the next breeding season.

Now let me tell you how I came about to writing in this column. You see, life was taking a boring toll on me. Everyday it was the usual telly, watching the birds, surfing the internet, eating, catnapping (no puns intended) and my morning walks. Though I have my regular duty of keeping my human buddy company and be the oh so good listener. Not that I’m complaining but my heart longed for something more. So when opportunity knocked at the form of a canine columnist, I leaped at it. Hence once a month, I willingly surrender an afternoon to serve and please you humans all with some linguistic whining of mine.

Being a columnist of Rentakini is no easy feat. Her sister site Malaysiakini boasts hits of 33 million page views a month, which is a tad intimidating But hey, the work suits me fine, the environment soothing while I chill at home with some daiquiri waiting for my human buddy to return home from work. That’s the time I assume my playful role to make her laugh and giggle.

Mind you, I plan to fully use and abuse this column to say my piece on issues in this world. Like the dog hunt that was organized by a local council recently. I read about it and it got me rabid mad. My blood boiled and the ticks died immediately! Who ever came up with this insane idea must have crawled out from under a huge rock. Don’t you know we animals in particular, are good for you? A contest to hunt down dogs, my dirty paw!

For every fused bulb that tells you we dogs are bad, there are ten holy books that tell you otherwise. Ok I’m exaggerating about them holy books but think about it. There are numerous accounts of multiple health benefits from living with a canine. Cure your diseased mind with right thinking and the right attitude. Don’t blame the dog, or you’ll end up like that bad dancer who says the stage is uneven. So to those who stood by us defending our rights in the society alongside with Puss and Hammie, thank you! For those living in Selayang, if the local council don’t bend, get rid of it.

We don’t choose to be strays. It’s the doings of you half nut humans. You get so besotted with us when we are pups you are blinded by the fact that we grow! Left alone, we have great lives, thank you. It’s only when rabid (excuse the pun) humans run us over, or campaign to have us killed, or go out of their way to kick us that we feel threatened. And humans are supposed to be the protectors of the helpless? Hmmphh all that human education – WASTED !